Technically Broken
by barely-breathing123
Summary: Sam....i....sam i...i hate you." He said his eyes softened. let me welcome you to my pain. This is what its like to be officially broken... **SEDDIE**
1. Prologue

Prologue Sam's POV

We softly whisper through the day as we sit in class with a grim smile on our face, waiting to proceed to our daily routine. That's the way it was before you….

You would throw a comment in my face hoping to win, but you knew I was winning before we even started.

I am witty, and yes you ARE nerdy, but I still never thought it would harm you that way.

I caused you pain, without even knowing. I caused you depression, and could not do a thing. I caused all that misery in your life, but rubbed it in your face.

You will never know how much I miss you. I miss your Brown eyes, and how they would wonder to Carly, and you would dream of her finally seeing the light and coming into you.

I knew it was not going to happen.

How could she see the light, when it was off? Not possible.

I miss your nerdy self, talking about Hydraulic software, going on and on about the moving pictures experts group, and how my theory was wrong. You used to help me figure out how to Turn on my computer.

I miss your ability to even try to stand up to me, unlike most people that piss me off, like Gibby and Jonah.

I know that you're not coming back, you told me. I heard you. I heard those words that struck me, they had broken me. I hate you. Those words repeat in my head. Over and over, again and again.

"Sam…I…I hate you." Again. "Sam….I…I hate you." And again. "Sam…I…I hate you."

You hate me.

You hate me…

And I love you…

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Short but it's just the prologue.

Please review, flames allowed :D

Please give suggestions!!


	2. Canceled

Chapter one: Sam's POV

Freddie was sitting on the couch, staring at the floor. Carly was sitting on a stool, scrapping a rotten fruit with her fingernails.

I was standing staring at the two, moping, laying in a pool, drowning in their own depression, but I had no clue what had happened. We all just stopped Being happy. I tried but I couldn't get anything out of them anymore.

"Carly?" She looked up from the fruit and snapped coldly, "What?"

"I…I just wanted to ask you what was wrong?" She narrowed her eyes to me. "Nothing!" She stood with a fierce look.

"Why does something all ways have to be wrong, just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean I'm not happy!' She stated, more like bellowed.

"Maybe you just mind your own business." She sat down leaving that statement said.

"Ok, I guess, I'll just….leave." I began to walk out when I heard Carly mutter, "That would be nice."

I shut the door. "What's happening to my friends?" I heard someone say, "Finally!" It sounded like Carly.

I looked in the peephole and saw Carly and Freddie, sitting together on the couch, making out…..I felt the hot tears begin.

She even knew….that I liked Freddie.

I felt my heart crush, just a piece break and sink down to my stomach.

I slowly wiped my tears and took a breath, "Its ok." I felt relieved but I still hurt inside.

I walked home, sneaking past my past out mother lying on the couch. Her blonde hair matted and her eyes red.

I went into my room and carefully pulled out piece of Red construction paper, I carved a heart out of it. I grabbed a pen and sorrowfully wrote, "Sam's Heart." I said it as I wrote it.

I carefully tore a piece off of it then slid it back into the door, I left the remaining piece on the floor, then stomped on it, because that's what is happening to that piece.

The next day I walked into Carly's apartment, I stood there, Surprised that it was vacant. I waited up in the studio, hoping Carly and Freddie were there, but no.

An hour went by and it was time for rehearsal, but there was no one. Then another two hours went by. My eyes were red, and the floor was flooding with my tears.

"Why aren't they here?" I cried into my knees.

"What's happening to us?"

Little did I know that there was someone there just not caring, Carly was snickering behind the door, not even knowing that I was in pain. Freddie was tickling Carly.

They were watching me like entertainment television.

I know they didn't mean the pain they seemed to be causing me.

They just can't seem to figure it out that I'm still here.

I had left there life. Not physically but mentally. I just wasn't there. I stopped being in contact with them. We all started to separate until Carly and Freddie began to fall for each other, leaving me out.

I got up and left through the elevator. Once I arrived home there was a note on my door that said.

_Dear Sam,_

_We are very sorry to say that iCarly has been canceled, don't ask why it's complicated. We just don't think it is necessary anymore. We are sorry. Don't be surprised if we don't get to hang out anymore, sorry about that to and just so you know me and Freddie are NOT couple I wouldn't do that to you…_

_Love Freddie and Carly_

_I wrote it though (Carly) _

I froze completely. Its over. My eyes were Wet and hot. My throat was sore and my heart was ripping some more. The only thing that still kept us happy and together as friends was gone.

I walked to my room, eyes and mouth still open. My shaking hands grabbed the heart and ripped two pieces of its delicate Beauty and ripped them off.

One. For loosing iCarly.

Two. For loosing Carly and Freddie.

I wanted to scream then cry and then die.

I didn't see why they canceled it, and I didn't see why they wanted cancel our friendship. I'm not going to ask. They are not even worth it.

I'm going to say this though.

I am almost there….

Almost broken….

Ok yes that was sad

Review please

Flames are allowed

Suggestions for this story or requests for another story


	3. Avoiding and the gluttony gang

Chapter two: Avoiding and the Gluttony Gang

Food. Food could get me through the day, but not today. Not even a delicious 5 pound combo of ham could handle today. I didn't do to my locker because I was sure Carly was there, maybe even Freddie.

I sighed. There goes Gibby, he has some bacon, I thought about taking it but I'm not in the mood.

He stared at me with confusion, He apparently thought I was going to take his bacon. But like I said I'm not in the mood.

I walked along the rail, down the stairs, gripping it like it was the thing that held me together and right now it would be nice if I had something that held me together.

"Hey Sam!" I heard a familiar voice, but it was not Carly.

"Oh…Freddie." My eyes softened and fell to the floor. "I wasn't talking to you." He look at me with a look had never seen before. It was a look of forget.

He walked directly past me and he hugged another girl. Sam Paisley, She had red hair and green eyes with a cute laugh.

Hn.

I slightly turned my head to find a group of kids, Wearing black with some piercings, heading my way.

I knew who they were just never talked to them. It seemed like they were coming in slow motion. Like on movies.

The girl in the middle was Rebekah Steed. She had black hair that came a little past her ears. She had a lip ring and a nose ring. She was wearing a tight long sleeved black shirt, and pocket filled, dark green Capris, and black high tops.

The guy next to her was Vlad Puppington. He had slick black motorcycle dude hair. He had snake bites and a tongue ring. Most of his clothing was leather.

The other guy on the right was Brady Lexington. He had black hair that came over his eyes. He wore band Tees and skinny jeans.

The girl next to Vlad was Alexis Rayne. She had blonde hair that came to her waist but she had neon pink and green highlights in the front. She wore a tight short sleeve shirt with a hello kitty on it. Light blue skinny jeans and thick skater shoes to match.

"Yo Sam!' I heard Rebekah say as she got to me. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

I knew tonight was the night we do iCarly but since its over I guess not.

"No…" I looked over to the side where I saw Carly with a worried look on her face. I knew these kids were nothing but trouble but she knows me.

Freddie also looked concerned.

"Well we're going to go see the skate off then go get some smoothies, want to come?" Brady added.

I looked at Carly once more and thought about the pain. I smiled. "Sure."

Rebekah smirked, "see you tonight."

They all walked off.

Rebekah turned, "Hey! Bring your skateboard."

"Aye eye!", and with that I walked off. Now knowing I have a new group of friends.

DING DING DING!!

The bell had rung and Carly had stopped me before I left Mr. Schumacher's class.

"Sam! You can't hang out with those people!" She bellowed

I frowned, a little sassy, "Oh? And why not?"

"Because there trouble!" She said as she threw her hands up in the air.

"Well I wouldn't have gone if you hadn't of canceled."

She looked guilty, "what? iCarly?"

My face went from sassy, to annoyance, "No…Our friendship."

I brushed past her, hitting her shoulder.


	4. Why me?

Chapter 3: Why me?

I was sitting down at the kitchen table staring at the document my mother had placed in front of me.

Adoption papers. She was crying; she knew I was in pain. So was she, my mom had been officially broken for a long time now. She just can't take it.

She was trembling. Her hands were shaking =, her voice quivered, "Sam, p-please forgive m-me…"

I knew her pain; I forced my shaking hands to sign the papers. "Its ok mom, I know that I am not important."

She broke some more, "Sam that's not true! You know that!!" She was crying hard, she grabbed the papers before I could sign. She ran down stairs.

I hollered up the stairs, even though she shut the door, "I have lost everything and now you lay this shit on me!!"

I could hear her sobs.

Two weeks have past by. Rebekah and I have been hanging out a lot. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we go skating.

Mondays and Fridays I go to her house.

Wednesdays we go shopping.

On the weekends we go to groovy smoothie

She said next week I'm going to officially become a gluttony member. I knew what that meant. Piercing I can already imagine the hell that's going to be.

My phone started to vibrate and play Always by saliva, "Hello?" I knew it was Carly but I said it anyway.

"Sam! What's…what's up?" she laughed awkwardly

"Nothing, you?" I heard her voice brighten

"Nah, but maybe if you want to we could go gets some smoothies? You come to my house and sleepover! We have ham!"

I pondered for a moment. Rebekah was sick so I cant do anything with her this weekend.

"Umm…ok." I said flatly

Her voice brightened even more which made me happy.

"Yay! See you in half and hour! Bye!" we hung up.

"Yeah see you…" I said to myself.

I was packing some underwear, and some black hello kitty pajamas that Rebekah gave me. I wondered what ever happened to Freddie. He doesn't talk to me or Carly.

I tried to call him up real quick.

1901-787-4389 (not real numbers don't call)

"_Hello?" _ It was a girl's voice but not Ms. Benson

"Freddie?"

"_No this is Sam" and Ashley" _I heard two girl's squeal.

"Oh could I talk to Freddie?

"_Sure! Freddie! It's for you!" _

"_Hello?"_

"Hey Freddie!" I greeted.

"_Who is this?" he asked plainly._

"Sam Puckett?" Did he forget?

"_oh." He said disappointed_

"Well, um me and Carly are going to get some smoothies, do you want to come?"

"_Oh err…Sam I'm kind of busy."_

"But Freddie, Carly will be there!" I tried to persuade.

"_Sam, I'm over Carly and have been for a long time."_

"Well don't you want to hang out with me anymore?"

_He sighed. "Sam, all you've done in the past forever has been putting me down, so no I don't. Now I have two classy ladies I need to attend to so if you wouldn't mind----"_

"Classy?! How could call two sluts classy who don't know a carrot from a potato unless it has to do with sleeping with them both to see whose better in bed!!"

_There was a silence then the line was dead._

I groaned.

Why me?


	5. Empty Frame

Chapter 4: Empty Frame

I walked through Carly's door; she was sitting on the couch with a smile.

"Same old, same old." She stated as she came up to hug me.

This day was better.

Spencer came running out with a grin, "Hello!" H was stacking cups on his head. "May I ask what your doing?" I asked.

"Yes you may and I'm stacking cups on my head because…." He paused. "You know I really have no clue why…"

He hung his head letting all the cups fall to the ground, "I'm going to my room."

"The chamber of awesome?" I questioned. His face brightened, "yes!!"

In the blink of an eye he was gone. Hmmm… Same old….same old.

Carly and I walked out to groovy smoothie. The day was sunny and there were no clouds to be seen. The light wind blew some strands of hair into my face.

"Carly?" I had a hint of worry ness in my voice and she could tell.

"Yes?"

"Is Freddie mad…you know…at us?"

She sighed. "Probably…"

I'm sure some of it was her doing, he loves Carly. "Why?"

"It's…complicated."

I shot a glare, "Come on Carly, We're friends…well used to be any way."

She started to sob out of no where, "What happened to us?!"

Her tears made me feel a sharp pain in my stomach, it hurt to her pain.

"I don't Carly…I really…just…don't know."

She choked a little before she spoke, "Carly?! What ever happened to Carls? We don't laugh anymore, you're avoiding me!"

Then a flash of anger blew over me, "Carly! You know the reason we stopped hanging out is because we all stopped being contented! We just left! Had nothing to do with each other!" I sounded annoyed and irritated.

"Carly, It's senior year, you had two years to try to make things right but you did nothing. I tried to be happy for you Carly! For you and Freddie! Now Freddie hates us and you hang out with Valerie and Shannon, and now I have friends."

There was a short pause.

"Friends that care…"

She looked hurt. "Sam…I miss you. I miss you and Freddie, I miss you two's quarrels, and Freddie's gawking over me and your Lock picking ham loving trouble making self!

"Carly, why didn't you tell me this 2 years ago…Then none of this would have ever happened."

I walked away. Forget Groovy Smoothie, I heard her sobs as I walked off.

I stopped by her house to get my things. I left her house then what stood right in front of me was Freddie's door. His apartment door, I stared for a moment then took my courage and let it out to knock on his door.

He surprisingly answered. "Yes Sam?"

I could almost feel tears. "Oh umm…I wanted to know if I could talk to you or is this a bad time?"

He sighed. "No its not…" He shut his door following me all the way to the silent road.

It's called that because no cars ever pass by.

"So Sam, what did you want to talk about?"

The tears were still holding back. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

He sighed, "Sam I had a feeling this is what this was about—"

"Wait… I want to know what happened."

He looked confused, "What are you talking about----"

"Two years ago…What happened? We were all friends then we just….stopped."

"I don't know Sam."

Anger had reached me, "Yes you do!" I was now crying.

"You know what happened now tell me!"

"Sam listen to yourself! If you haven't figured out what happened then you must be dumber than I thought!"

My cries softened his eyes, "Sam, we just didn't need each other anymore."

"BUT WHY?!" My screams echoed through my own ears.

"Because! Because…because me and Carly…we dated."

My eyes widened, "Why didn't you tell me?" how could she do that to me. "For how long? When did you date?!"

"Remember the day she told you to leave because you soaked me with your cola? That's when, and something happened and after that happened we broke up and swore never to tell anyone?"

"Why didn't you tell me when ya'll were dating?"

"Carly told me not to, she said it something to do with you but she wouldn't tell me what."

"Well then what happened to make ya'll break up?!"

"I think you should ask Carly that one… It's really none of your business."

: Flashback:

_Carly snapped, "You know Sam its really none of your business! So just leave!!"_

_I left. "What happened to my friends?" Then I heard some one say, "Finally!" it sounded like Carly._

_I looked through the peephole and saw them making…out._

End of flash back

"YOUR SKUM!!" I shrieked then slapped him hard against his face.

He glared at me with anger, and then he did it. He punched me square in the face and I let out a blood curling shriek, cracking my bones against the pavement, the ice cold streets.

"Sam!" His eyes watery but quickly dried. I was screaming in pain. It hurt so much inside and out.

He tried to help but I pushed away.

"FREDDIE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!! EVER!! I HOPE YOU GET CHEATED ON BY THOSE SKANKS!! DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! "I shrieked again in pain as I collapsed to the street.

I was crying hard, my back was in pain, my face was in pain, and my heart was still breaking.

Freddie was gone; he had left after I screamed at him.

This is all just an empty frame. I looked up holding my bloody nose and glare in my eye.

I'm just an empty Frame…


	6. Stained Pretender

Chapter five: Stained Pretender

By the time I had gotten home and lying in bed the red, paper heart was already a little over half way torn. Over two years I have probably torn it 289 times. I just take off small pieces, and trust me it's a big heart.

When I finally rip off every piece of the heart, I'll know when I'm officially broken. I'll know when I am nothing.

When your are officially broken it means you have no more heart to spare and no matter if I glue every piece of that construction paper back. There will still be cracks in it.

It was getting late, Friday night almost—oh no.

It was almost midnight, and it's Friday. This is the night when my mom goes to the bar and brings home men at this time.

She used to bring them home every night but she hasn't but on the weekends now.

The routine is, she goes to the bar brings a guy at midnight then after she passes out he's comes up to my room, and its weird that every guy she brings home does that.

I started to tremble when I heard the front door open. I put my ear to my door. I heard my mom and a guy named….Steve?

"You know I have a daughter?" I could already see his grin.

"Oh really?" he replied.

"Yes her name is Samantha." I could already feel him licking his lips. "MMMMMmmm…"

It was hours later and I heard silence, I started to breathe heavily. Then I heard footsteps, coming up the stairs. I locked the door and crawled in bed pretending I'm asleep.

They grew closer…

I was sobbing

They were at my door…

I clutched my blanket.

"Samantha?" It was my mom's voice. I sighed with relief.

"Yes ma'am? Hold on." I unlocked the door and opened it.

There stood my mother sleep and standing next to Steve. He had an evil grin on his face.

"Honey I have to run to the station to get some alcohol, Steve is going to be here ok?"

I started to pant, "Can't I go with you?"

"Samantha its two in the morning." She yawned, "I'll be back in an hour or so."

"But you just said you were going to the gas station?!"

"Yes and to run some other Aarons that aren't your business, so go back to sleep." She sleepily replied.

After she left Steve was looking at me in awe," Samantha, you have a very pretty face. I hope you know that."

"Uh…thanks…" I knew where this was going.

He walked towards me and sat on my bed rubbing my leg. "You know, I bet you could make a certain man feel special."

"Man?"

"Well, boy, man, dude, they are all the same thing right?"

"Not exactly…"

"Hmmm…" He stroked my leg some more until he grabbed my arm and pulled me up.

"Hey let go! I know what you're going to do and this happened before so just leave me alone!!"

"What you think I'm going to rape you? Wrong! I'm just going to beat you for fun." He laughed frantically while I looked puzzled and terrified.

He grabbed my arms and push off the bed. He soon got up and yanked me, pulling me by my hair as I yelped in pain.

"Ouch! Let me go!!" I shrieked. "Stop!!" I was now sobbing.

He threw me into all my walls, he took lamp and ripped off the shade, busted the light bulb and began o jab me with it.

He struck me in my leg, the glass meeting my skin, tearing it up.

"_Mommy?" I asked as I was seve._

"_Yes dear?"_

"_Why can't I have friends?" I asked._

"_You know honey real friends care about you, real friends find you."_

_Moments after a cute little boy with chocolate eyes and brown messy hair came up to me and said,"Hey I'm Freddie!" I smiled, "I'm Sam…" I smiled oh so sweetly. "he's cute" I thought._

He threw me against my picture frames.

The corner deepened into my upper arm. I bellowed out a cry.

The agonizing pain wouldn't stop.

_Years later_

"_Hey, I'm Carly!" The new girl said to Freddie and me._

"_I love you, your so pretty!" Freddie said. I felt the tears come as I ran off. "And I hate you!!" I managed to yell to him._

He took his fingernail and dug it into my skin slicing my legs and arms up. I pleaded for him to stop but there was no end.

_When we were 14 and 15, I teased Freddie. He said, You know when a girl constantly rips on a guy it means she has a big crush on him!"_

_I turned around and said, "Yea but I'm not ripping on a guy, I'm ripping on you."_

I managed to slip into the bathroom locking the door. He was banging on the door for at least hours. Eventually he stopped noticing my mom was home, so he'd have some more time with her.

"_I'm not coming back; Sam still treats me like I'm not important to the show." Carly looked at Sam._

"_Freddie, I've always thought you were important to the show." They smiled and hugged but she got his boxer line and yanked up._

_He looked at Carly, "she gave me a wedge!"_

I laughed a little at that, I noticed the cuts and bruises on my body. I called Carly and it went straight to voicemail. I whispered and choked out my message to her telling her that I'm sorry.

I called Freddie and hallelujah, "Sam, leave me alone-"

"Freddie…" I quivered.

He started to panic, "Sam?! Sam are you ok?!"

"Yes...b-but I want to know something?"

"Yes….?"

"Do you hate me?" He fell silent, "we should talk about this tomorrow. Meet me at silent road."

"Hn…"

My mom should realize that the man she brought home was not like the others….

He's a stained pretender…


	7. I hate you

Chapter 7: I Hate You

Please don't say it. I know what he was going to say. I could see it in his eyes…Those Georgas brown eyes. It was like his eyes had writing on them and I knew what he was going to say before he said it.

He threw his hood on over his head, But he stared into my blue eyes. I deepened the stare. I didn't know what to do.

"Sam…" He sighed, "You know that every second of the day you constantly put me through hell. I can't take this anymore. You put me in pain Sam, and you don't care…"

"Sam….I…Sam I…I hate you…"

I clutched my shaking body, my eyes were flooding and I broke. I collapsed on my knees. I was now officially broken…

"I'm sorry…" he whispered, he walked off taking another sorrowful glance at my broken soul.

I sat and cried for hours and knowing no one could come help me because no one passes this road.

He hates me…

He hates me….

And love him…

Later that night I was still lying on silent road, I was waiting to die. Hopefully someone would come along, someone in a truck and run me over.

Someone did come, but sadly with no truck. It was Carly.

She was clutching her tan peacock coat.

"Sam?! What are you doing lying in the middle of the road?"

I turned my head towards her, my eyes were no longer blue, they were grey, They were swollen and red and even puffy from the hours of crying.

"Sam…" She whispered picking me up bridal style while calling Spencer (talented, right?) telling him to pick them up.

Thirty five minutes later there was Spencer, "What took you so long?" Questioned Carly.

"I need to pick some Tacos for Spaghetti tacos!" He said holding a bag of tacos. She rolled her eyes and I had to climb into the back seat.

Once we got to Carly's, Spencer cooked us up some Spaghetti tacos. We ate while Spencer went to Go build is sculpture in his chamber of awesome.

"Carly?" I asked, yes my mouth was empty of food.

"Yes?" She smiled at my politeness.

"What happened that made you and Freddie break up?" I saw her eyes widened, and then she let out a sigh, "He told you, huh?"

I gave her a look. She let out another sigh, she looked to see if Spencer was around…"I just c-can't!"

"CARLY!" I wined with annoyance.

She began to tear up. I wiped her hot tears, "Carly?"

"We…We…" she was trembling. "You what?!"

"We had sex!" She blurted, My eyes began to tear up some, tears of despair and anger.

"W-what? I mean… how? When?"

"It was the night you guys were supposed to do wake up Spencer and Freddie told you he forgot" She put the emphasis on forgot.

"Sam, I'm so sorry, please don't hate me!" She began to sob. "I WAS SO LOST AND STUPID…AND…AND…!" She let out her cries.

In between sobs she said, "Sam *sob* I'm *sob* Sorry!! *sob"

I patted her back and even though I hated her for doing that, I was already broken so you can't break what's already broken.

She cried into my shoulder, I was already broken but I didn't want her to be…

"Carly! It's ok!" I yelled

She looked up, her eyes were red, she was shocked.

"Do you love Freddie?" She started to bawl, "Yes!!"

I knew I was in love with Freddie, but I'm broken and you can't things that were broken, and besides, Freddie's loooveess Carly!

Hours later I decided to call Freddie, it rang but he did not answer, "Hey Freddie its Sam, this isn't about me, it's about Carly, you see she really strongly cares about you" It was hard for me to say, "What I'm trying to say is she loves you…Call either me or her back, please….goodbye Freddie…"

I decided to leave around two o' clock, I got up to check on Carly real quick. She was lying there; her eyes were still a little red.

"Goodnight…" I whispered giving her a kiss on the forehead.

I left softly and heard Freddie talking to Sam Paisley in his apartment.

I stood and looked through his peephole, I could see them cuddling and kissing in the process.

I twisted the doorknob slowly to see if it was locked and it wasn't…dork. I barged in to the room.

"Sam!" He said standing

"Oh hey Sam!" She said in her high pitched squeal.

"What do you want?"

"Its about Carly, did you get my voicemail?"

No…" He said a little confused

"Carly…she…she loves…you."

His eyes were wide, "She…she...she does?"

"You heard me…"

"I don't love Carly…"

"Hmmm, do you love Sam Paisley now, huh?"

"No!!"

"What?!" She said with a sour look.

I think it would be best If I leaved, I glared at Freddie then my grey eyes softened and so did his.

"Freddie…?"

"Yes Sam?" Sam Paisley had left and he was stepping closer to me.

"You may hate me…but…I…I love you…"

He stepped even closer and crushed his lips to mine, grabbed my waist and I grabbed his hair, deepening it, I was broken but that doesn't mean I couldn't love.

"Sam…I love you too…"

I smiled

I am no longer broken….just cracked…

Just cracked…..

Yay, I know this story is a little short but it's my first one!!

Please review and flames are allowed

Love you all! Review or I'll steal your cookies.


End file.
